Broken Wings
by afangirlsmangos
Summary: Clary has gone through something no one should ever experience. After, she is left broken and unable to love. Without the ability to trust anyone, she's an outcast. Will a certain player or 'Golden Boy' mend her or break her beyond repair. I do not own The Mortal Instruments or the characters. A/U. M for self-harm, language and lemon in the future.
1. Falling

**_Chapter Playlist_**

**9 Crimes - Damien Rice**

**Nothing and Everything - Red**

.Falling.

_I was in a dark ally alone. I tried to speak but nothing came out. I tried to scream but still, nothing. Suddenly, I felt anthers presents and turned to the opening of the ally. Their was a large and familiar shadowy figure. He started to walk over to me and I saw something reflect the light of the moon. A knife. I tried to move away but I was stuck. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I just stood there, watching the shadow move closer, and closer. Once to moonlight hit his face i recognised him instantly. Valentine Morganstern. And then another figure appeared by his side out of nowhere. Jonathan Morganstern. Or otherwise known as my psychopath of a father and monster of a brother. Valentine slowly raised the hand holding the knife and lightly slid it down my jaw bone to my throat. I could feel the trickle of blood flow and disappear down the front of my shirt. "Why do you even bother my dear Clarissa," he whispered in an innocent voice, " No one wants you, your never good enough and you never will be. How about you just go end it all then no one will have to put up with you anymore, you'll be doing everyone a favour. Just do it. Go kil…"_

I jolted up in bed covered in sweat gasping for air. The intensity of the dream had finally broken me. Of 'couse no one wants me. I'm worthless. A pain for everyone around me. If I'm gone, no one will miss me. I jumped out of bed and went to my private bathroom, looking for some kind of relief. I was sobbing quietly, trying not to wake my mum and Luke, her fiancé. I looked in the cabinet above the sink for the one thing I needed, the one thing that helps me hang on to that little bit of sanity I have left. When my hands skimmed the smooth, cool surface of the razor, I let out a little sigh of relief.

One cut, upon my left wrist, two cuts, three cuts, four, five, six, always six. One for everything I am, useless, worthless, unwanted, a nobody, alone… broken. I always cut deep enough for the blood to run freely down my arm, to the tips of my fingers and drip to the tiled floor, but not deep enough to pass out from blood loss.

Once to blood stopped flowing I cleaned the mess up off of the floor and hid the razor in the back of the cabinet. When finished, I went back into my bedroom and checked the time, 5:43am. School starts in about 3 hours so I decided to have a long, hot bath. When I was stripped of all clothing, I looked in the mirror. I saw a broken 17 year old with long, wavy, red hair, deep emerald eyes and, red and white, new and old scars all over her body.

Bath time was thinking time, I couldn't help it, I thought of everything that was wrong with my life. Every little shitty detail. About what happened at the start of the summer.

_Flashback - Last day of school._

_I was walking home from school, feeling relieved that it was summer break. I had my earphones in listening to Free by Rudiment and Emeli Sandé, so I didn't realise I was being followed by a black van but when I thought something was off it was to late. My mouth was being covered by an old cloth and darkness was overcoming me. The last the I need was that I was being hauled into the back of the car._

_When I came to, I had a thumping headache and my vision was fuzzy. When my eyes focused I noticed I wasn't alone and fear filled my to the brim instantly. I was tied to a wooden chair in the middle of a very small room with my brother and father staring down at me with evil smirks on their faces._

_"Hello dear Clarissa, miss us?" Jonathan said after a long silence._

_Jonathan and Valentine were taken to jail just over a year ago for abuse and sick intentions._

_I just sat there, cringing away when my father came forward and back-handed me to the face._

_"Answer your brother, Clarissa!" My father roared._

_But I couldn't answer, if I said yes there'd know I was lying, if I said no, I don't know what would happen._

_"Have it your way dear sister." Jonathan started walking over to me with an excited look in his eyes. _

_Valentine must have known what came next, because he exited the room without a word. I turned back to Jonathan who was now kneeling in front of my and looking at me head to toe._

_"I'm going to have so much fun doing what comes next Clarissa." He looked at me expectingly. As if he was wanting a retort. I thought that I was not getting out of this one so I gave myself the satisfaction of being brave._

_"Go to hell, you sick bastard. I hate you!" This seemed to make him even more excited._

_That was when he did it. And it was the worst pain I could have ever gone through. I felt like he was ripping me apart. My own brother, my own blood. Raped. Me._

_After three hours of complete torture, he left. Leaving me in a crumpled ball on the ground. Feeling violated. Feeling broken._

_Two weeks past of the same events, given out by Jonathan and Valentine, when there was a loud 'bang' on the front door. When no one answered, a loud and deep voice yelled, "This is the NYPD, open now or we'll be forced to knock down the door. Still no answer. After thirty second of silence there were two loud 'thuds' before the door flew off the hinges and onto the floor. Because I was in the basement, all I could hear was the sound of multiple pairs of footsteps and the sounds of my two kidnappers protesting. Then the door opened to the basement and a middle-aged lady with greying hair rush to me and wrapped her jacket around my naked body._

_"She's down here but get me some spear clothing before you come down!" she yelled over her shoulder. I gave her a thankful look but that was the last thing I remembered because I pasted out._

_When I awoke, I was in a bed with white, scratchy sheets. Hospital. Then I realised I was holding someones hand. I looked over and saw my mum asleep in the chair next to mine. I squeezed her hand lightly and she jolted awake, eyes immediately locking on me. She then pulled me into her arms and whispered reassuring words in my ear._

_End of Flashback_

The water in the bath was now ice cold so I slowly made my way back into my room to find something to wear. I've had to wear long sleeves and long pants, luckily it's been unnaturally cold lately, and I've also be sticking to one colour. Blake. Like my soul. So I choose a black long sleeve, black skinny jeans, combat boots, leather motorbike gloves, black, loose beanie and my favourite leather jacket. My makeup consisted concealer to cover up my bags, black eyeshadow, black eyeliner and mascara. I looked at the clock once more and saw this it was 8:32. School starts at 9 and the drive there take 15 minutes so I have time to have my coffee and go.

Mum and Luke leave early for work so they're already gone when i come into the kitchen. Once I've finished my coffee, black, walked out to my Harley Davidson with my bag slung over one shoulder and helmet under my arm.

When I arrive at the school parking lot I have five minutes to find a park and get my schedule before the bell rings.

Walking through the corridors of the school schedule in hand, I am aware of the stares and whispering around me. I know they know what happened to me, it was all over the news, but I just kept my head down and continued walking. I was at my locker putting the books I didn't need in, when I was suddenly spun around and slammed into the next locker. I had hit my head and black dots were clouding my vision. When my eyesight cleared I was face-to-face with Kailie Queen. The schools Queen-Bee.

"Hey, freak," she said in and innocent voice. "How ya been? I'm loving the whole 'dark and mysterious' thing you've got going. Very…" she pretended to think for a word,"… Emo. I wonder why you chose this as your new look. Hmm? Ah-ha, I know, you're one of those people that fuck their brother and daddy, aren't you? What was it like? Having sex with your family?"

At that, I snapped, but I waited until she was out of she was gone the bell had rung and the halls were empty. I slid to the floor and hurts out crying. I don't know how long I sat there for, just crying my eyes out, until someone put their hand on my shoulder. I flinched at the contact and looked up to see who it was. I found myself looking into the eyes of my ex-best friend, Simon, and also saw Isabelle, another one of my former friends, standing behind him with a worried look on her face.

When he saw my face, probably smudged with black from my make-up, he said quietly, "Oh, Clary." And pulled me into his arms. I didn't hug back, I just sat there. But he kept holding me until the tears stopped flowing. But as soon as he loosened his hold on me I bolted to the girls bathroom.


	2. Tradgic

**_Chapter Playlist_**

**_Scarlet - Brooke Fraser_**

**_We are broken - Paramore_**

.Tradgic.

**_Izzy's POV_**

After 10 minutes of trying to get Clary out of the girls bathroom, I left thinking of how stubborn she is and wouldn't give in to quickly. Simon wasn't outside the bathroom when I came out, he must have also given up and gone to class. I thought I may as well do something productive so I also made my way to my next period but was stopped in my tracks by what I saw. My egotistical, self-loving, bigheaded brother, Jace, practically dry-humping Kailie against some lockers. I hate the way he's been acting the last couple of months, using girls like toys then just throwing them away the next day. I didn't like Kailie, not one little bit, but I wanted to stop my brother from playing and what better time to stop it than when it's happening right in front of my.

"Oh, Hey Jace," I said with fake happiness while walking up to the pair. They both turned towards me with angry expressions. "Is this the new girl for the week, truthfully I think you could do better. But whatever floats your boat, Tickles your fancy, Toots you horn, A…"

"Isabelle! Shut the fuck up! Could you please piss off! We're kinda in the middle of something here!" Jace was looking furious now, you could almost see the flames in his eyes and steam coming out of his ears.

As soon as he said it the bell for the end of school rang and the halls started to fill with students. I looked at him with a satisfied smile and went to put my things in my locker then to the parking lot to my beautiful red Holden Cruise. I stopped in front of it and leaned on the bonnet, waiting for my two brothers. Alec was the first of the two to come into sight.. He was easy to pick out of the crowd of students flooding the parking lot. Wearing only black. Black sweater, black jeans, black combat boots, his hair so dark it could pass as black. The only colour on him was his ears. He had the most beautiful blue eyes I'd ever seen, I envy him. We look practically the same only I had dark brown eyes.

After another 10 minutes of waiting, Jace finally made his way, slowly, out of the school building. Most people called him the 'Golden Boy' or something like that. It was partly true, the golden bit not the 'God' part. He had golden blonde, wavy hair, a golden tan, he even had, god damn, golden eyes. Lucky bastard. Once he got to the car he slid into the back seat without a word.

The car ride home was silent and once I pulled into the driveway and stopped the car, Jace was out the door and in the door within record time.

**_Jace's POV_**

I can't believe her! She always does that. Ruins any chance of me getting laid. A guy has his needs you know, some more than others. Kailie was gonna be my play toy this week but my dumb-ass sister had to go and ruin it. Again!

She's always going on about "I'm only looking out for you, Jace," or "I don't want to see you get hurt." But I know she only wants for me to stop using girls for my own pleasure.

When we got home I ran to my room not wanting another lecture from Isabelle. Lately she's been doing everything she can to stop me having sex. She says that I treat girls like toys but to me they are just that. They're just something I can use then throw away the next day.

**_Clary's POV_**

After spending the rest of the day, sitting on the cold floor of one of the girls bathroom stalls the bell rang. I ran to my bike and sped out of the school parking lot, not wanting to run into Simon or Izzy again. When I got home, I mumbled a quiet 'hello' to mum and Luke before racing to my room.

I feel really bad for acting like this toward them but I can't help it. They knew everything that went on through the summer, obviously everybody did according to Kailie, and they know that I'm not coping very well, so they give me my distance.

I didn't have any homework, seen-as-though I spent the whole day in the bathroom, so I put on some music, very loud music, and started drawing in my sketch book.

My sketch book was like my diary and the pictures in it were the unspoken words and feelings. I used to, when I wasn't messed up, draw happy things like flowers, animals and in love couples, now I draw a girl, always the same girl with no face. She had long, curly hair that covered her face. She was always in depressing situations, either cutting, attempting suicide or just sitting in a dark room. Obviously the girl represented me and the images represented the tragedy that is my so-called life.

I looked down at what I had drawn to see no other than the faceless girl, in front of a bathroom mirror with blood pouring out of her arm from 6 deep cuts on her left wrist. Always 6.

I was bought out of my thoughts by a soft knock on my door and Luke slowly opening the door and saying, "Can I come in?"

I just silly nodded and he fully entered my room and walked over to the edge of my bed and sat, giving me the space I need. He knows I don't feel comfortable with anyone touching me, that's why I froze when Simon hugged me a school.

"Dinner is almost here, we ordered pizza." There was a short pause. Then, "How are you Clary?"

I looked at him with a look that said, 'are you serious, you're seriously asking me that.'

He let out a sigh and said, "I'm hear if you want to talk about i.."

"I never want to talk about it _ever again_! Ever!" I haven't spoken like that since what happened and it felt wrong show anyone other emotion than 'zombie'.

Luke move towards me and I recoiled, waiting for the pain. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice. Please don't hit me. Don't hurt me. I won't do it again. I'm so sorry!" I started to whimper and when I felt a hand on my back I screamed! When to pressure of the hand was gone instantly and the sound of hurried footsteps sounded from outside my bedroom, I turned to see Luke looking at me like I was a lost puppy.

"Clary, I would never, ever, in a million years, lay a finger on you in anyway inappropriate. Please believe me when I say that." He had tears in his eyes and at that moment my mum came bounding into the room with worry clear on her face.

"What happened? Are you ok?"

"Come, Jocelyn." Luke said without taking his eyes off my. "Clary needs some space. We'll leave your dinner outside the door." And with that, they left leaving Clary to wollow in self-pity.

.o.O.o.

One cut upon my left wrist, two cuts, three cuts, four, five, six… Always six.

**Well, what do you think? Thanks to you guys who reviewed. Much appreciated. Tell me what genre music you like so I can put some in that will satisfy everyone. Thanks for reading xox :)**


	3. A Change of Events

.A Change of events.

After my 'session' I ate half of my dinner and went to bed. It was filled with the same dream and I woke up the same way and I did the same thing I've done after I have those torturing nightmares. I went through the same routine I did every other morning. Today I was determined to survive like in did every other day but today no one's going to get in my way.

.o.O.o.

The first few periods were slow and uneventful. Everything was running smoothly until… BAM. I run into something warm and hard. I dropped my books and cursed myself for not paying attention. I didn't bother looking up, I just bent down and picked up my things before turning and mumbling a sorry to… Ughh.. Jace Herondale. Or, golden boy.

"Better watch where your going next time Red." He said with an amused tone.

Despite my self I quietly said, "Oh, how original." But regretted it as soon as… No.. Today no one gets in my way. Remember?

"What did you say, Gingy?"

"It's pretty fascinating that the only insults that you can give out to me are ones about my hair, Goldilocks." It felt oddly good saying these things.

"Excuse me?" He sounded surprised by what I had said and to be honest, I was to.

I looked up at him now and he noticeably stiffened for some reason. He wasn't talking anymore just staring at me so I left for my next class which I was probably already late for.

**_Jace's POV_**

_Holy shit! _I thought to myself. _She's beautiful! _

Long, wavy, red hair. Very pale skin. A light dash of freckles on her nose and cheeks. A small, petite body. And.. those eyes, they hard me sucked in instantly. I've never really liked the colour green but.. HolY mother Mary I could get used to looking at that beautiful shade of green all damn day.

_Wait, what? WHAT?!_

I'm Jace Heronale. The school player. I 'go out' with cheer leaders, and when I say 'go out', I mean have sex and dump the next day, not 'fall' for nerds. I need to get laid. And look Seelie's walking straight toward me and there not and Isabelle in sight.

"Hey Jacey," I mentally slapped her for the stupid nick name.

"Hey Seel…" Noooo!

"Jace there you are! Oh, Hey Seelie. Are you Jace's now play toy after Aline left him for not being good in the sack?"

Damn you Isabelle Lightwood. Damn you.

**_Izzy's POV_**

Izzy - 2

Jace - 0

**_Clary's POV_**

_Stop! _Stop thinking of those mesmerising, golden eyes, that unbearably sexy smirk, that god-like face. He would never be into a broken girl like me. No one ever will.

It was last period and for the rest of the day after my little encounter with Jace Herodale, I couldn't stop thinking of him. He was in some of my classes, like art and English, and right now I had to go through a whole period feeling his stare burning a hole in to back of my head. Why was he looking at _me_? Probably thinking of a way to get back at me for rudely running into him in the hall.

As soon as the bell rang, I hurriedly packed my thinks and almost flew out the door and to my bike.

.o.O.o.

As soon as I got home it was the same thing, mumbled hellos, running upstairs to my room, homework, draw, dinner, sleep… Nightmare. And tonight it was different.

_I was in a large meadow surrounded by trees so think I could see anything past them. Then a figure appeared, but this time it wasn't my brother or father.. it was Jace. And then he's coming towards her, walking, fast. He's almost at her when her brother and father finally appear and they're also coming at her. Once the three are right in front of her they abruptly stopped. All of them looking down at her with the same look on their faces.. Hate._

But before anything could happen, she woke to the sound of her alarm clock, for the first time since the events last summer. Her alarm clock sounded foreign to her but she didn't dwell on the thought any longer then she should because she was going to be late.

When I got to school I was greeted by something unexpected, Isabelle and Simon waiting for me. Once I parked and got out of my car they were already at my car.

"Hey Clary." Both of them said in unison.

As usual I mumbled a hardly audible 'hello' and tried to walk past them, but they were already by my sides and holding both my hands. At this I flinched away from their touch and let out a quiet whimper. They turned to me and Simon said, "Clare, we would never hurt you, ever. Please stop pushing us away. Please." He was pleading with his words and his eyes.

Simon has been my best friend since grade 1 and ever since that we've be inseparable, well, until the incident. I must admit, I have missed him so dearly. A part of me tells me that all men must not be trusted, that all of them are disgusting pigs but the other part is saying I can trust him. And Izzy and I have been friends ever since she moved here in 8th grade. I was asked to show her around and BAM, best friends. I have come to a conclusion that I can trust my to best friends and that they won't hurt me.

I slowly looked up at them and gave a _real _smile. I never thought I'd be capable of doing that anymore but I just did. They must have gotten what my unsaid words were because they smiled back, they were the biggest and most meaningful smiles I have ever seen. And they were for me.

The rest of the day felt amazing, hanging with Izzy and Simon at lunch and non-stop talking. Then art came which meant Jace. Urggh. The teacher was droning on about something, quite-frankly, I didn't give two shits. Last year, art was the best thing in the world for me. I loved it so much. But now it's just a hobby, a way of 'coping'. I wasn't paying much attention until I heard my name being called.

"Huh? Sorry, what did you say?" Judging by the look on Miss Fairchild's face, she must have been calling me for a while.

"I said," she said in an annoyed voice, "that you'll be partnering with Jace for the assignment." At her words my heart sank. Oh God no! Anyone but him!

I felt someone sit in the seat next to me and looked up into those fascinating gold eyes. "So Red, what 'we doing for the project?" He asked in an unusually chipper voice.

"What are we surpassed to be doing." I had no idea what we had to do because I wasn't listening.

"You really should listen in class Gingy, you might even learn something." When he saw the death glare I gave him, he cleared his throat and went on. "We have to draw a portrait of the each other and add features that most represent them."

"So for you I just draw the Devil?" I say an opportunity so I took it.

A look of hurt flashed across his face but it was so brief I put it down to the poor lighting."Really, Strawberry Shortcake, was that necessary?"

"Your choice of nick-names astonishes me, really."

He rolled his eyes. "We have to do it outside of school, so mine or yo…"

"Yours! Defiantly, yours." Once I said it I mentally stopped myself.

"That keen are we, Cl.. Little Mermaid."

Once again, a death glare, and he shut up and tried avoiding my eyes. Ha, he knows where his place is.

**..And there we are, another chapter complete. I'm going to try and update frequently but I do have a life.. nah just kidding. I've got school. Keep reviewing. You don't know how amazing it makes me feel when you guys are saying you love my story. Thanks for reading. xox**


	4. Trigger

.Trigger.

That afternoon I texted my mum and told her I was doing homework at a friends house. I got on my bike and followed Jace and Isabelle home. Jace had been adopted into the Lightwoods family when he was like.. 12?..

When we arrived I was in awe. I'd never been to Izzy's house because she always said that her brothers would annoy us, but she could've at least warned me she lived in a freaking mansion. I heard the car doors shut in front of me followed by Jace's chuckling, probably at my face. He clicked his fingers in front of my face and said, "Are you coming in or what?"

I could only nod and get off my bike to follow him into the house.

After a quick 'hello' to Maryse who gave me a sad smile, she obviously knew what had happened, Jace and I went up stairs to start our project.

The only word that came to mind when I saw the inside of his bedroom was.. neat. Like OCD neat. It was kinda creapy. There were no photos, no posters or any little trinkets only a hugh, timber bed with white covers, a matching desk with a stack of books stacked neatly on it, a walk-in wardrobe that went into a bathroom and an acoustic guitar proper up in the corner of the room. For someone like Jace, I would've expected clothes thrown everywhere, posters of bands or other unmentionable images, something.

While I was taking in his room, he had gone to sit on his bed and look at me. I felt his stair and looked down, for once, and looked into his. Whenever I did that I felt a light tingle run down my spine. _NO! You can't think like that. If you get close to him he'll hurt you. Anyway he won't want you. You're to broken._

With that thought, I joined him on the bed but sat as far away as possible. When I looked at him, he looked.. hurt. I probably just hurt his ego. Every girl in school would kill to be in my position right now and if I could I'd gladly give it to them.

"So the project, who's going first?" He said in a voice I didn't recognize.

"I'm going to do you first, I just want to get it over with."

He gave my a flirtatious smirk and said, "You want to _do _me first.. ok." Suddenly I was being flipped onto my back and jace was on top of me, pressing me into the mattress. "I know you want me Red. Everyone does. What makes you different huh?" His face was only a few inches away from mine and I started having flashbacks..

_"Clarissa, I know you want me. I'll make you love me as much as I love you." _Jon always said that before he did the unspeakable.

I was now freaking out at the memory of Jonathan and oh how much just was reminding me of him. I started writhing and screaming under him, trying to get as far away from him as possible. Then, all-of-a-sudden, everything went black.

**_Jace's POV_**

The angel on my shoulder was saying '_'Why are you forcing yourself on her you sick bastard' _but the devil in me was telling me to keep going.

She started to scream out someones name and tried to get out from under me but then she went quiet and still. Shit, she must have passed out. I started freaking out and then Izzy came bounding in the room yelling, "What the hell happened!?" When she saw me straddling Clary's unconscious body her face turned red with rage. "You fucking lunatic Jace! Why would you do that! Get the fuck off of her." She yelled while forcefully pushing me off the bed and onto the floor. "Don't you remember the girl on the news? She was raped by her brother and father last Summer. That was Clary! You dick!"

Oh, no. That was Clary? I remember seeing on that story on the news but they weren't allowed to tell us who it was or show any pictures. I'm such an idiot. I thought she was just playing hard to get but she is actually.. _scared _of me.

I was broken out of my thoughts by silent mumbling coming from the bed. "No, Jonathan. Please don't. Not again. Please." She sounded so broken and helpless. Isabelle was now at her side caressing her.

"Clary, it's ok. You're safe. No one's going to hurt you." Clary's eyes shot open, she looked around the room franticly and when she spotted me she started panicking again. She scrambled off the bed and backed into the corner of the room.

I tried saying, "Clary, I won't hurt you." And moving towards her but she held her arms into front of her face and started shouting,

"Stop. Don't come closer. Don't hurt me! Please!" Her words hit me as if she had punched me right in the gut. I stopped trying to move towards her and turned to Izzy for help but she had already gone over to Clary and had her in a tight embrace. Clary wasn't crying she was just standing there, eyes wide open and alert. I took this as my sue to leave so I quietly slipped out of the room.

**_Clary's POV_**

I knew I couldn't trust him! He's just like my brother. I can't believe I even thought of liking him. After I calmed down, Izzy said that she was going to get Jace so that he can apologise and that she wouldn't let him hurt me.

When Jace came in, he started rumbling on with his apology, "Clary, I'm so very, very sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm such an idiot and I can't believe I did that. Please forgive me. I'll do anything."

"Can we just get this stupid assignment over and done with so I can go home." I said in a flat voice.

"Um, yeah, sure. How do you want me?"

"Just sit on the bed with your elbows on your knees." He did as I said and I turn to Izzy and said, "It's ok. I'm ok now. Thanks Iz." I finished with a weak smile.

She just nodded and left. I turned back to Jace and started drawing. Starting with his angelic face, his eyes, his nose, his full lips. Then his neck, shoulders, chest, arms, torso, legs and 40 minutes later I was done. the second part of the project was to add features that related to the person but I was going to put add them in private where he couldn't see them.

**_Jace's POV_**

After she finished her drawing she told me that she was going to do the rest at her house so now it was my turn to draw her. I wasn't the best at drawing but I could do a pretty good portrait if I put my mind to it. I got her to stand, looking out the window so I could only see half of her face. Man, she was beautiful. I could feel myself falling for her a little bit more avery second. Yes, I just admitted that I like this girl, a lot.

30 minutes later the drawing was done and Clary left quickly with a quiet goodbye. The drawings were due tomorrow so I started on the second bit of the project.

**_Clary's POV_**

One for being so broken.

One for being so useless.

One for not being good enough.

One for being so weak.

One for being so broken.

One for breathing.

One cut upon my left wrist, two cuts, three cuts, four, five, six… Always six.

**I hope it wasn't as boring as what it felt like to me, if so, just hang on, I need to get the whole 'meeting' bit out of the way so I can get to the fun stuff. Can't wait! Keeping reviewing. Thanks for reading. xox **

**Just went out and bought Vampire Academy. Gonna finish the book I'm reading at the moment then start it. Any other book recommendations?**


	5. Safe

.Safe.

I woke up on the cold bathroom floor. I must have cried myself to sleep last night while I was still in here after.. well, y'know. When I'd gotten home, I finished my drawing of Jace and I had fallen asleep before dinner but I woke up at about 1am after the same nightmare with Jace. I ran to the bathroom to relieve the pain.

Today was the day we had to hand in our pictures and I was so nervous to show Jace but equally as nervous to see what he had draw of me.

I looked around the bathroom and saw that I hadn't cleaned up my mess last night. I quickly cleared the floor and basin of any trance of what I was doing. When I was satisfied that I had gotten it all, I had a very quick shower and got dressed.

I don't even remember what it feels like to where short sleeves or shorts. I picked out some dark-wash, ripped jeans, a very dark green long-sleeve, my leather jacket and black boots. I then applied the normal dark make-up and tame the animal on my head known as hair. School started in 30 minutes, so I had time to stop at my favourite coffee shop around the corner, Java Jones.

.o.O.o.

After my much needed black coffee, like my soul, I headed to the hell-hole I call school. Like yesterday, Simon and Izzy were waiting for me to arrive.

"Hey Clary." They both said at the same time like the weird couple they were. They'd been going out for 2 years now and they were going through a 'everything-about-the-other-was-cute' phase.

"Hey guys." Then the bell went and we started the school day with a wave good-bye.

_Time skip - Last period; Art_

The period I've been dreading all day and it's finally here. I feel like I'm going to be sick, I really don't want to show anyone the drawing but if I don't that's half of my make.. Poof.. gone.

I made it to art early so I sat in the far, back corner seat and got out my scotch book. I had only just finished drawing the outline of the girl when I felt a light tap on my shoulder which my me jolt upright and spin around to see who it was. Jace. "Hey, Clary." His voice was husky, as if he hadn't had a lot of sleep last night and he had dark shadows under his eyes. He still looked gorgeous.

"Hi." I said weakly.

"What 'ya drawing?" He said while looking over my shoulder.

"Nothing." I said hurriedly while slamming my book shut.

"Right class," Miss Fairchild said while walking to desk, "Drawings from yesterday out, it's time for marking."

_Shit, shit, shit, what do I do. Should I say I forgot. No. Be strong for once in you pathetic life. _I got out my rolled up piece of art paper but kept a hold of it. I turned to Jace who was doing the same thing. "If I give you mine you give me yours. Deal?"

He seamed hesitant at first but nodded in the end. I took his and he took mine, I slowly straightened in out, looked at the image on the page and gave out a sound in-between a gasp and a whimper.

**_Jace's POV_**

It was amazing. She had drawn me perfectly but the thing that had caught my attention were the wings. On one side she had draw one beautiful white, fluffy wing with a gold out line and on the other was a black, malting wing. I heard Clary gasp/whimper next to me and turned to her.

**_Clary's POV_**

He had draw me as a warrior. With a sword in its sheath around my waist and gladiator-type clothing. He didn't know how wrong he was about me. I'm far from a warrior. I'm a coward, not a hero.

"I'm not a warrior, Jace." I said and hoped he didn't hear me but, he did.

"Clary, you're the strongest person I know." He was looking at me like a rare piece of china.

Before I could say anything, the teacher had come over to us and said, "Wow guys. These are amazing! A+ for both of you!" When she left all I could do was stare at the picture Jace drew of me. I'm not a warrior. I'm a coward. I'm not a hero. I'm dead weight. I don't know how long I was sitting there but I was broken out of my thoughts by the bell. I tried to pack my things up as quickly as I could but, me being my clumsy self, knocked my bag onto the floor and my books scattered everywhere. I bent down to pick them up and saw another set of hands helping me. I looked forward at Jace and he said, "Can I talk to you privately? Like at your house or something? Please?" He sounded genuine so I nodded and we walked out of class together.

_Time skip - Clary's house._

When we arrived at my house, instead of going in, I lead him to the backyard and through the back gate. There was a small park barely 100 meters away. There was a grass field, picnic table and a set of swings. I went and laid down in the middle of the field, Jace wasn't to far behind me and came to lay with me, making sure not to be to close.

"So," I said after a long silence, "what did you want to talk about?"

He sat up and so did I, "You know I don't want to hurt you, right?" He now looked at me and I saw sorrow in his eyes. I didn't answer because I didn't have one. I feel like I want to trust him but after last night, I wasn't so sure I should. He must have picked up on my unspoken words because he continued, "Clary, please. I would never hurt you. I'm sorry for the other night. That wasn't like me. Well it was but not the new me. I've turned over a new leaf and started over." He paused, "And I think I'm falling in love with you."

_Wait.. WHAT!_

**_Jace's POV_**

_You idiot! Why did you say that?! She probably wants to get as far away as possible now._

She was sitting there, her mouth opening and closing like a gold fish, but she still looked adorable. All I wanted to do was hug her and kiss her and.. love her. Love was a weird feeling. It kind of hurt but it was a good hurt.

"Jace?" She, finally, said to me in a small, fragile voice. "You can't love me. Look at me. I'm.. I.. " tears were starting to form in her eyes and she was choking on her words.

"Clary, I am looking at you. You are the most beautiful and brave person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting." I was thinking of something and thought_ what the hell, I have nothing to loose only something to gain._ "Please don't hate me for this."

I then leaned in and softly kissed her. It was small but I saw flashing lights on my closed eye lids. She noticeably stiffened my after a few seconds she relaxed and kissed me back. _YES. _I cupped her face with both of my hands and rubbed my thumbs over her cheeks. To my surprise, she tangled her hand in my hair and lightly tugged at the strands. We were alone at the park but there was still something that was going to interrupt us. Air. And I was running low on it. I broke the kiss but didn't lean away, I touched my forehead to hers and looked into those amazing green eyes. We were panting like dogs trying to catch our breathe. "Clary, I love you. Please, please know that."

**_Clary's POV_**

_OH. MY. GOD. Jace Herondale just kissed me, and I kissed back._ I saw fireworks, I felt butterflies. I felt every emotion possible in those few seconds. I couldn't say I… y'know, back because I can't love. But being loved by him felt utterly amazing.

We'd been sitting side by side, hand in hand, for about 10 minutes, without a words spoken until he broke the silence, "Clary," he turned to me, "will you go out with me?"

"Won't that knock you down on the popularity scale. The schools best football player going out with the art freak."

"I don't care about popularity, it's just high school. And you're far from a freak, Clary, you're amazing."

I turned to him this time, "How can you like me? You're Jace Herondale, school hottie, loved by everyone. You could get any girl you want."

"I don't want just any girl. I want you."

"And then there's me, Clay Fray, school nobody, a bunching bag for the populars." She whispered the last bit, "To broken to love because she was raped by her own family."

She was freely crying now and Jace bought her into a tight embrace. Usually Clary would try to get away but with Jace it was different.

With Jace she felt… Safe.

**Another chapter done and dusted. Finally, something Clacy. I was trying to not be so smutty because I absolutely hate it when people make Jace seem like a huge love-sick freak. Keep reviewing. Thanks for reading. xox**

**Question: What's you favourite book from the TMI series?**

**Mine is defiantly City of Glass. Don't hate me but.. I love Serbastian! Not as much as Jace though! ;)**


	6. I'm so sorry :(

**Hey guys! I am so, so, truly sorry for not updating for a bit. I promise I will update as soon as I can. I've been going through a rough time with family drama-crap and I haven't been up to writing all that much. I hope you guys can understand. I'm feeling better now so by the end of the week I'm hoping to have my next chapter finished and uploaded for you guys.**

**xx I love you all. Thank you xx**


	7. Amazing to Horrific

**I am so, so, so sorry about the delay in ****updating, but I have a very good reason.. I am writing a book. And I mean a real book not just FanFic. It's been my first priority lately and between homework and the book I have had no time. But I'll be putting the book aside for a little bit so I don't get sick and tired of writing it. Now enjoy! **

It's been six weeks after Clary and Jace's first kiss and they've been dating ever since. Jace has received a lot of criticism because of the relationship but he doesn't seem to car all that much.

Today they were in Jace's room, laying on his bed, looking at the ceiling. Jace was playing with Clary's hands absentmindedly, drawing circles on her knuckles. It was so hot out side but of course, Clary had to leave her long clothes on so Jace wouldn't see the scars. She'd stopped when they first started going out but when her nightmares got worse, so did the aftermath.

"Clary?" Jace said quietly after a long, but comfortable, silence.

"Hmm?" She couldn't out any effort into a reply because she felt so happy.

"Why are you wearing long clothes?" she froze. "It's like 40 degrees outside?" **(A/N: I live in Australia so 40 degrees celcius is pretty hot, I think its like 104 fahrenheit.) **

"Ahh…" She couldn't think of a good excuse.

Jace then sat up and turned to her. "Clary." His tone was stern but you could tell he was clearly worried. "Can you please take the long sleeve off at least, your gonna' have heat stroke or something."

"I.. uh.. um.. I.." Clary stuttered while getting into a sitting position. "I'm not that hot, really." She said a bit unconvincingly.

"Bullshit. I'm wear shorts and a t-shirt and _I'm _cooking. Now, at least roll up the sleeves, please." His voice was starting to scare her, but she stuck her ground. He wouldn't hurt her.

"No, Jace." She stated, crossing her arms over her chest. He started moving towards her but, for once, she stayed, not even flinching. He kept on looking at me, practically burning me with his gaze and eventually, I gave in. "Don't think of me any different, ok?"

He looked at me as if I'd slapped him in the face. "Clay, I love you, I could never think of you any different, trust me." He said it as if his words might wound me, soft and quiet, almost a whisper.

I exhaled slowly, turned away from him and rolled up my sleeves until..

**_Jace's POV_**

She was being very hesitant to roll up the sleeves, why? It's not that big of a deal, is it?

She had turned away from me, but, when she turned back to me she had her head down and arms crossed. I walked over to her to pull her arms apart but she backed away from me. "Clary, I'm not going to hurt you, I promise." She was still a bit resistant but eventually gave in. When I released her arms and looked at them I felt as if I'd been stabbed. Her whole forearm was covered in scars, red, white, old, new, small… deep.

I looked up at her and into her teary, green eyes but she looked away and bit her lip. I tried to reach for her but she flinched away from me, but I wasn't leaving it at that. I grabbed her elbows and turned her to me.

"Why, Clary? Why do this to yourself? You are beautiful and strong.."

She cut me off by yelling, "I'm not strong Jace! I'm weak and worthless and broken. It's a miracle how you even like me! I'm disgusting!" She had tears streaming down her cheeks now.

"No, Clary," I yelled back. "I love you, isn't that enough. I've never loved anyone or anything as much as I love you. To see you doing this to yourself. Kills! Me!" I was also crying now, "Please stop this! I feel so helpless, like I'm doing something wrong."

"It's not you," she whispered after a few seconds. "And don't even think that." She took a deep breath. "Do you know exactly what happened in the summer?" She whispered.

He simply shook his head.

**_Clary's POV_**

Thinking that she might as well tell him, she started, "When I was little, like 6 or 7, my brother and father abused me and my mother. They did horrible things to us but we were to scared to tell any one about it. When I was 11, one of the teaches at school noticed some cut and bruises, so she asked about them and I told her. She called the police and told them what I told her. They sentenced Valentine 25 years in prison and sent Jonathan to juvy until he was 18 then he was also sent to prison but not for as long, only 15 years."

She took another deep breath to keep herself from crying. "It was the last day of school, I was walking home, just listening to music, and they came up behind me and knocked me out. They had taken me to the middle of nowhere. I was there for two weeks, they did the most unspeakable things to me but it was only Jonathan who had ever, done things, to me. Valentine had just stood there, watching. When the police found me they arrested them, again, and took me home.

"When I got back I went to a therapist but that didn't help, so I started, helping myself. When I'm in the middle of, it, it feels like it's working, but after, I feel worse." She looked up into his eyes. "Then I met you. At first, I really, and I mean _really _disliked you," they both had a little chuckle at this, "but after that art assignment, something clicked inside me. After what Jonathan and Valentine did to me, I couldn't trust anyone, not even mum or Luke. But with you, I feel like I could tell you everything and anything.

"I thought that I was getting better, but I keep have flashbacks and bad dreams of them coming back, and hurting me again and I just need a release. I'm sorry. You probably think that I'm a pathetic, broken, little girl now." When she finished, she had tears running down her cheeks and she was sobbing quietly.

After a short silence, Jace spoke up, "Clary," he whispered, "I think nothing less of you. I think that I might love you a little bit more now. You are so, so damn strong. Some people who would have gone through something like that, wouldn't be able to go on, but you have. I love you Clary, so much."

She looked up at him. "I love you too." With that she crashed he lips to his with a fire that wasn't there 10 seconds ago.

Jace matched the kiss and quickly took charge, as always.

Clary had known that she loved him for a few weeks but was to afraid to say it.

**_3rd Person POV_**

There was something different about this kiss, it quickly turned from loving to almost predator like. Jace roughly laid Clary back on his bed and crawled over her, not breaking apart. He was going to wait for her to make the next move because he didn't want to push it, and she did. She trailed her hands down the front of my chest until she came to the shirts hem. Sliding her small hands under, she slowly started lifting the material upwards, only breaking the kiss to take it off completely. Jace went for her shirt next but looked into her eyes to make sure it was ok. She gave a small, nervous nod. He tenderly rid her of her shirt.

She had cuts like the ones on her forearms all over her body. Jace leaned down and kissed the scars while mumbling 'I love you' continuously. Feeling bold, Clary reached for the top of Jace's shorts. Getting the idea, he swiftly took them off and discarded them to somewhere in the room.

And now it was Clary's turn again, she reached for Jaces hands and placed the at the button of her jeans, giving Jace another nod, a confident one this time, to let him know that she wanted this. Still kissing her flat stomach, he undid her jeans and slide them down her, scared, legs. And then…

**_Clary's POV_**

My phone started playing _A Trophy Fathers Trophy Son by Sleeping with Sirens._

_"_Leave it," Jace growled against my lips.

And I did, I didn't want to put a stop to what me and Jace were doing. He started for my bra.. when my phone started ringing again.

"Arrgh!" I lightly pushed Jace off of me and looked at my phone screen. _Mum. _I picked it up and answered. "Yes mum?" I said, a little rudely.

"Clary?! Oh, thank the angel! Clary, you have to come home right now. We're leaving." My mother said in a big rush.

"What? What are you talking about. Why are we leaving? I'm kinda in the middle of something." I glanced at Jace, he was watching me very closely with worried eyes.

"Clary, we need to go now. It's.. It's you…" she stammered.

"My what mum?!" I was starting to worry now.

She took a deep breathe before saying, "Valentine and Jonathan… have escaped again."

**Dun dun daaaa. The evil ones are coming back! Thanks for reading.**


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